the work spouse who refuses to stay at work

My husband is a wonderful man and we've had 12 really good years together (and counting!). But in the last five months or so, I came to realize that he had acquired, of all things, a work spouse. Now, mind you, having a work spouse nowadays is nothing uncommon; in fact surveys have uncovered that up to a quarter of people at work have admitted to having a work spouse -- someone they are close to at work, someone they can share their frustrations and joys with, and have lunch and tea breaks with.

Come to think of it, I had work spouses when I was at work too. It made work less onerous, made lunchtime and breaks something to look forward to, and I knew I had someone to call in favours to, if needed.

So, what's the big deal with my husband having one now, you might ask?

Well, first of all, his work spouse plain refused to stay at work. I am probably being more socially conservative but I truly believe that most people have a life after work, which does NOT include people FROM work. I would really try never to call or text my work spouse after work, unless there was some dire emergency (like the time there was a horrible lab accident in the night and I was the only one there.) And especially since some days he turned up at work with hickeys all over his neck ( he lived with his girlfriend.)

So I was especially discomfited with this girl (she is several years my husband's junior) started texting him every day after work -- few times right after coming home, in the night, and also on weekends. To be fair, my husband did show me the messages .Some of it was work-related, but some were about what she was doing, what she had just done -- it felt like a Twitter feed, only directed at him. I really wondered if she felt that there should be some work-home boundaries (or even junior staff - boss boundaries). Surely she realized that this was a married man with two kids and a wife -- and if they would see each other at work (breakfast, lunch and/or tea as well), why on earth couldn't it wait?

Unfortunately my dear husband felt it was just a case of being friendly and that the new generation of 20-somethings communicated with each other 24/7 through electronic media, at work or not. And since he was her buddy/agony aunt/ mentor at work, he felt bad brushing her off at home.

I think this was the point at which alarm bells went off in my head, and I felt emotionally blind-sided. I thought I had made a logical, reasonable argument for maintaining work-home/ mentor-supervisee boundaries, and instead felt I was laughed at for being insecure and oversensitive. It was strange, feeling somewhat betrayed for the first time by a man who I had known for more than half my life, because he did not take my side on something which I clearly felt very strongly about, and felt had reasonable objection to. I have always prided myself in not (or trying not to) indulge in hysterics, and so, for him to remain unmoved and unconvinced that there was a real problem here, dealt a real blow to a) my presentation skills, and b) my emotional core.

I have mentioned that this blog can only be maintained in the little pockets of free time I have while minding everybody's schedule -- well, my eight-year old's about to wake up now. Time to get things started -- homework, hanging up laundry (should be done by now) and making breakfast for him. It's a long story, anyway, I have five months (and counting down to the last three weeks now.... she'll be rotated out) of wildly swinging between "no, I trust him and nothing's happening of course" and "then why is he so protective of her?"